So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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