yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I forget how to act sober
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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