Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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