Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
