too bad you live with your parents still
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
