Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
