I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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