She is in my trunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize