The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
