Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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