is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
