they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
