DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
