Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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