make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
