New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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