I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
