new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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