Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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