how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
