My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
