There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
