Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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