Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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