the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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