come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
