i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
