I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
