If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
