Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
