but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize