I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
