my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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