I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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