that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
