How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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