This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
