When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
