I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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