just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
