I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
