It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
