It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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