all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
