we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
