Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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