**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
