He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
