the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
