M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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