about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am one with the molecules
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
