She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
