Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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