I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
