It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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