remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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