so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
