I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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