I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
