I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
