My nipple is on Facebook.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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