I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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