imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
