I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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