Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
