somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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