In the future we'll all be gay
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
